Still Missing

Finally I'm allowed time to read this! Tin Teeth!! Chrome Dome! Metal Mouth! Frying Pan Face!! Overgrown Cheese Grater!! I swear if I ever meet that Stupid Space Slug, he will be digging his grave the moment he set eyes on me!

9 - Life Sucks. Get over it. - Raph

I sat on the edge of the raft as the sun sunk below the horizon. I didn't talk, didn't move, hardly breathed. I just watched the sun dip, knowing fully well it would rise in the morning, as if everything was OK. Well nothing was OK. Nothing.

Donnie and Sensei were gone. That wasn't OK. The Shredder killed them, and I hadn't even known. That was far from OK. I wanted to rip the Shredder apart piece by piece, until nothing was left, but it was pointless. It wouldn't bring my family back. It wouldn't get rid of my scars, or the pain beneath the surface, or make me me again. Instead I had to settle for being a sixteen year olf Mutant Ninja. I wasn't normal anymore, not my normal.

Leo and Mikey, they had hardly recognized me. I wasn't right anymore. Would never be again. I looked down at the water. My dark hair fell into my face and I pushed it away roughly. My brother and my father were dead. I was different. All that remained of our broken family were Leo Mikey and Me. But I didn't really belong anymore, and I doubted Tin Teeth was in a big rush to set me right.

I clenched and unclenched my fists. I gritted my teeth and tried hard not to think about it, but it was hard. My life was a wreck, and I wanted he Shredder to pay. Big Time.

But how? How do I make him wish he'd never been born? Make him wish he was still marooned on that pathetic asteroid of his? Make him look like the slug he is? I just wanted him to feel all the pain he'd caused me, equal or greater. Wanted him to suffer.

(Pathetically short, but it's been more than two weeks since I updated, and I've got writers block on it... so, just deal with the shortness, Kay?)

Writers block shmiters block!! Just as long as you update!! Love this fic!! Must marry you!

Whoa there, Craz'd. I think I'm already set up to marry.... my older brother's friend has asked me about twelve times in the past week....oy. Pretty funny, tho. Must buy new vid camera for next time I see him...lol.

9 contn'd Leo

I watched Raph as I rowed. Mikey and April were sitting at my feet, equally intrigued by the human that was my brother. If Donnie were here, he'd be so-

Donnie. I bit my lip to fight off the tears that sometimes struck me in the middle of the night when no one could hear. Even with my heart that I tried to build stone walls to protect... well, it'd always melt, and always crumble, and I'd lose it. I was the leader, and I was NOT supposed to lose it.

"You okay? Bro?" Mikey asked. With a sudden shock, I realized he'd been asking me, not my sullen younger brother, sitting with his head held low, and his newly tanned feet in the water.

"I'm fine," I said hoarsely.

"You don't look fine," April told me. "You look like a turtle who lost everything."

"I didn't lose everything. I have you guys," I told her.

"You don't need to act like you aren't stricken by their loss," Mikey commented drily. "We all are, and just because you're the leader dosen't mean you are immune to what we all feel... Raph now more than any of us."

I stared at Mikey, struck dumb by his smart sum of all I'd been feeling.

"You're right." I said. "But I need to set an example for you. And besides, somebody has to keep a cool head."

"A cool head, or a cold heart?" Mikey asked quietly. "Because sometimes, with you, it's hard to tell the difference." He got up and walked over to Raph, sat beside him, and put his arm around his shoulders. Raph rested his head on Mike's shoulder and sighed, looking utterly defeated.

The opposite of the Raph I knew.

"Mikey's right, you know." April said.

"I know. He's changed. He's wiser, he sees more."

"Does he? Or are we just overlooking the obvious?"

Mikey and April left me to a silent, steady time of rowing, thinking, and tumbling questions in my brain that I didn't have the answers to. But I wasn't sure anybody had the answers I was looking for.

Father. I need your advice now more than ever, I thought to the stars that were beginning to peek through the dark curtain that was the sky.


Be safe...... My sons.......

The fourth wall was broken! Or is it the fourth veil? Either way, you got me hooked!

Wow.... I am a loser! 2 months. Almsot 2 da*n months and I haven't updated. It'll be short, but at least it's an update.

10- We all fall down- Raph

I never thought I'd hear myself think this, but I really needed Splinter's spiritual guru sappy family advice and stuff right about then. I mean, I was with two of my brothers, another was dead with my master. There was a copper wire around my neck that shocked me every four hours. The Shredder had taken everything away from me.

I wanted to rip his slimy space tentacles off one by one, put a collar around his squishy pink flesh, put a rock on the big red button and walk away.

Because that was what he did to me. I ran a hand through my new hair and looked at my little brother.

"You did the unthinkable Mikey," I said, smiling slightly.

"Mm?" He asked.

"You stopped talking for longer than twenty-six point five seconds," I joked. He smiled.

"Yeah. I kinda grew up," he said.

"I wish you hadn't," I told him sadly. "I miss the happy-go-lucky motor-mouthed turtle I knew before all this sh*t happened," I gestured all around us. "I miss the old Mikey."

"You know what?" Mikey asked. "Me too. But I don't think he's coming back."

Awww, Raph? Do you miss the old Mikey? I sorta do to, but...what can we do? *hugs Raph*

Know what, Craz'd? I think you might be one of the only people who reads any of my stories anymore. And I'm fine with that.

Someone's gotta, anyways